Recovered Glenn - New, Whole, and Happier!

Yes, it does work...

2008-02-11T13:26:00.000-08:00

I will have been drug and alcohol free for 4 years next month. I must say they have been some of the most peaceful and nonconfrontational years of my life. Even recently when I had to go in for a much needed surgery and the analgesic support afterwords, which was only for a couple of days. I did have a complication a week later with a huge blood clot in my leg which also put me down for a couple of weeks. That was 3 weeks total from the time I actually had surgery in mid December until after the first week of Jan. After getting back to work for a mere 2 weeks I developed a rather serious form of pnuemonia and has laid up another 2 weeks. Today was my first day back a work and happy to say throughout all of the pain, suffering, debilitation, and loneliness, I have not drank and only used minimal pain meds after the surgery. I stuck with the system, kept in contact with my sponser and higher power. This system works, you just have to have enough faith and perserverance.

The day finally came...

2008-01-24T11:50:00.000-08:00

"I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots. I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. I knew then. It was a crushing blow."~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 42~

When I finally came to realize the sorry truth that I WAS an alcoholic and addict, that I was whooped, I was so far gone that I had few friends and cared for very little. That day, without delay, I mustered up the courage some how to call the rehab facility my psychiatrist seemed to always have a room ready for me at, and told them I was coming. I call my brother who took me without question to the place. When I got there, the last call I made as a free man was to my wife telling here I had to check myself in for help. I had finally had enough of the loneliness, shame, anger, fear, and worry. I was 46 then, I will be 50 in 3 weeks. MAN life is so good now!

The ugly truth about alcoholism/addiction...

2008-01-22T12:17:00.000-08:00

"Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count." ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 23~

By the time you realize you are truly hooked it is already way too late for a simple solution. You are already so far in over your head that there are few ways out. If nothing is done about it, there is always jail/prison, insanity, or death. But, if you really want to stop, you are going to have to go down the rocky, difficult, long road to recovery. Luckily, there are many along the way who can , and will, help you. You just have to let them and know that God (your higher power) is always with you.

I am back and fired up now...

2008-01-14T14:00:00.000-08:00

So sorry for I have been spotty on posting because I have been working on completing my MBA. Now that it is finished, I can get back to the things that really matter.
Come back and visit often, leave a reply, suggestion, and/or comment; all are welcome.
Be grateful everyday, be there for someone, and pass it on...

Sure, maybe you can do it alone, but...

2008-01-14T13:49:00.000-08:00

"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 85~

Oh yes, there are some (few) who find a way to stop drinking by themselves, but they usually miss out on the best part of recovery. The best parts are the being around others in recovery who really know what you are/have gone through; and the most important part is the spiritual support you have with your higher power. Without the added power, many of us would never have made it through the quitting times. God/Jesus whispered into my ear(mind) one day that "everything was going to be alright". I could never have gone through it without the support of a group or the support from Heaven. I thank God every day for the strength to make it without another drop/pill/needle/line/puff! I am most confident that the day I forget about Jesus/God and what they did for/to me is the day I relapse and throw it all away and die in pain, shame, and loneliness.

Resentment destroys us...

2007-11-23T09:23:00.000-08:00

"Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 64~

The deeper meaning in this statement is that, resentment affects not only the active alcoholic but also, and probably more importantly - the recovering alcoholic! SO much changes in a recovering alcoholic's life that may not seem fair, right, or just that something like resentment of almost any kind can lead to a relapse of some degree. Resentment that your old friends can still drink, the new friends who do not drink are always happy, worrying more about money problems, lack of trust, stereotyping, and so much more seem to plague us, especially in early recovery, it is no wonder relapse is so common. GET ABOVE ALL OF THAT RESENTMENT, all of this is just a natural part of getting clean and sober and all the more reason to hang around with fellow AA's. They know and are more sensitive to what you are going through.

At least once a day...

2007-11-15T08:10:00.000-08:00

"Step Eleven suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly."
Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 85

This is our connection to God and the remembrance of where we never want to back to, on an at least once daily (preferably more frequently) occurrence. Always be grateful and humbled by the Grace of God for you still being here, functional and whole. The best times are upon waking or before turning in at the end of your day, but it is best to be grateful whenever good things happen or points you in the right direction instead of into harms way. It doesn't have to be a long, drawn out affair, simply be thankful for the chance(s) you have been given.

We are what we are...

2007-11-13T06:13:00.000-08:00

"We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: 'Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.' Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever."
Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 33

My God is this ever true!!! In the basements of the alcoholic/addicts mind is a thought that someday we would be able to drink or use again without the hassle of getting hooked again. Maybe after a time of sobriety, or abstinence, we could use again in only small, controlled amounts. BUT IT IS A LIE!!! We are what we are - alcoholics and/or addicts!!! There is NO halfway, no controlling it, no 'just this one time...'. If we use, we are toast once again! So why even think about it? Why torment yourself and wonder if one day you could ever go back to being like everyone else (people who seem to be able to do it responsibly).
You are what you are - a person who cannot, will not use alcohol or drugs ever again - it really is that simple!

The only choices...

2007-11-09T10:15:00.000-08:00

"...with us, to drink is to die."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 66~

I know - without a doubt - that if I were to start drinking and using again I will die! I have been to that edge 3 times already and am absolutely positive that if I were to get there again it would be the end of me. Now, if that is not incentive to remain clean and sober, then I do not know what is. Those times I did to back to using and drinking, I returned to a full-blown alcoholic/addict state in record time. After the first time it does not take long to get back where you left off. Live or die, I choose to live and therefore I abstain.

It just can't go on forever...

2007-10-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

"To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink along time nor take the quantities some of us have. This is particularly true of women. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 33~

For me it was 25 years of drinking and drugging, all the while thinking I was invincible and would live forever. Oh sure, I did have a couple of times where I quit drinking and using for a short time, but always came back with a vengeance. So much so, that I risked loosing family, friends, career, and my life several times. Had I known then what I know now, I could have saved myself all those years that I now consider wasted. Never be afraid to get help long before you are so far gone that you get left alone, scared, and sick.

Miracles happen every day...

2007-10-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

"The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!"
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 153~

Every day I thank GOD for His love, blessings, mercy, grace, and forgiveness! I truly was a hopeless case, so tangled up in lies, deception, shame, and pain that I couldn't even care about myself. One day, about 2 months before I got clean and sober, God spoke clearly to me while I sat in my own hopelessness and loneliness - He said "Don't worry Glenn, everything will be alright." At that time I was again at death's door, a physical and emotional wreck. I did not care if I lived or died prior to hearing those words. GOD in all of His power, grace, mercy, and forgiveness pulled me up and out of the self-imposed pit of quicksand I was sinking in and saved me. Miracles do happen - I am one...

It doesn't matter where you are...

2007-10-02T14:16:00.000-07:00

"We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek." ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill's Story, pg. 15~

Just about no matter where you are you can find a meeting almost any time of the day on any day. There are very few excuses good enough to keep you from getting to a meeting, regardless if it is your first one or your 1000th. We realize that we need to be available when someone decides to finally change their life from eminent death to renewed life. It doesn't matter who you are or where you are at in life, when you are ready, we are there. If by chance there is not a meeting starting when you are ready, we are always available in an emergency. Hot-lines, call- lists, hospitals, or a friend can get you in touch with someone who cares and understands.

Seeing is believing...

2007-09-27T15:16:00.000-07:00

"When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did." ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, Page 52~

Regardless of the type of program you end up staying with, it is important to meet regularly with with others who are in recovery for your type of addiction. In the beginning it is best to meet several times a week for added strength and encouragement. Just seeing those who are successful in recovery is enough reason to be there yourself, it gives you the hope and the promise that things will all work out for good if you stick with it. I know we are an odd lot, especially when you first start going to meetings, but we all mean well and know exactly where you are or have been. The longer to meet with us, the more you will come to like, enjoy, and trust us. We only mean well, we just have a weird way of showing it - but we want to help you. Helping you also helps us get stronger and more recovered ourselves. So do it for you, and us.

You know, so tell them...share your story

2007-09-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

"Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have; the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them." ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 124~

No one knows what the Hell of addiction is really like except for one who has been there. Though you may not specifically what their other problems are, we know what is at the bottom of it all - that dark, lonely, painful, shameful place. Share your story, share it often with others who are in recovery or wanting to be, for they need to know they are not alone, that there is hope, and that there is a promise for a new life if they stay in our midst...

Abstain and....

2007-09-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober. Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn't. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly treated."~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 82~

Not drinking, not using, whatever the addiction - there is so much more than just not doing it. In AA, and similar programs, the way to follow is already mapped out in the "steps". Addiction is an illness, a very deep rooted one, that must be handled/attacked from many angles to be cured/successfully treated. It's about what lead up to being addicted - all of the mental/psychological trash that is left behind even when you are no longer partaking. The steps lead you along the proven path to heal not just the body, but the mind and spirit also.

The 'fine line' of addiction...

2007-08-29T14:06:00.000-07:00

"Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count."~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 23~

Now that is the basis for almost all of us who have an addiction - we somehow thought we could stop any old time we wanted to. We thought we were always in control of the situation, we were still the Master of our life. HA! Alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, eating - it really doesn't matter the poison, once you crossed that 'fine line' somewhere back in your addiction career you relinquished mastery of your destiny and let the poison take over. What we didn't realize until it was all too late was that we were never in control no matter what we, or others said about it. That is the mystery of addiction - where was that fine line? When did I cross it? How could I not have known?
It is so much better to not worry where the placement of 'the line' is - just abstain and take the mystery out of the equation.

It really is -"One day at a time"

2007-08-06T08:40:00.000-07:00

"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 85~

I don't have to worry about yesterday as it is already gone and is now history. Tomorrow will happen whether I am still here or not when it gets here, but it isn't here yet. BUT, right now, I have to keep straight with God and in MY own head that no matter what - I will not use, drink, or take because that will NEVER solve any problem I can ever come up against.
Even last month when my much loved mother turned ill and passed away, I felt like 'doing' something to ease the pain and confusion, but didn't - didn't even come close. I am still here, clean and sober, knowing that she is looking at me from Heaven - proud of her 'recovered' son. I love you Mom!

We all have to stop eventually, why wait any longer?

2007-07-24T11:35:00.000-07:00

"Upon therapy for the alcoholic himself, we surely have no monopoly.Yet is is our great hope that all those who have as yet found no answer may begin to find one in the pages of this book and will presently join us on the high road to a new freedom."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Foreword To Second Edition, pg.xxi~

AA is not, regardless of what it's members tell you, the only way to get clean and sober. It is the best way to get started and stop the madness, in my opinion though. It got me out of the old habits and with people who wanted to live a different, more peaceful, way. It is EXTREMELY frightening to go to that first meeting, especially if you go alone. But rest assured, everyone there will know how it feels, what you are feeling, because they have been there themselves. Once you get onto solid ground then you can spend some time looking at other options while you 'work' your program.

Out with the old, in with the new...

2007-05-23T15:00:00.000-07:00

"...I humbly offered myself to God, as I then I understood Him, to dowith me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch."~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill's Story, pg. 13~

I grew up in a religious family and have been spiritual throughout most of my life, some years more than others, but it was not until I finally quit drinking and drugging did I feel free and felt God’s presence. I was fortunate, it was a life saving and life changing event when I gave it all up and put myself at the feet of God. I had prayed for many things over the years and called on Him several times, but when I gave my up completely to Him everything changed in me. I had an epiphany; I woke up at that instant and have not looked back. I still deal with the repercussions from my stoned and drunk days, but I know that if trust in Him and not in myself, all will be well and good in the end. What a relief!
Everyone is different and many people have abstained with other methods, but I truly feel it is more than just about not using, or not drinking, it is about leaving the past behind, cleaning the temple, and living anew.

It is so much more than just quitting...

2007-05-03T11:40:00.000-07:00

"Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition."~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 122~

It is such a misconception that if one can just quit drinking/using/abusing then all their troubles would be over. That, however, is not the case in the overwhelming majority of addictions. To truly recover you must not only quit, but also rid your life and lifestyle of as much addictive causing behavior and influences as possible, then get on some kind of preventative, or maintenance program. Addiction is a chronic illness and the only way to cure it is to get rid of the causes, some of which you probably never knew were contributing to the problem. That is where interacting with other addicts/alcoholics is so important, they help you to flesh out all of that bad stuff and work through it, and vice-versa.

This is what finally worked for me...

2007-04-25T14:45:00.000-07:00

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Working With Others, pg. 98~

After years of telling myself that I was indeed strong enough to handle this drinking and drugging problem myself, I did give up control and hope as alcohol and drugs ruled over me. If I could not do it myself, to stand up against my weaknesses, who could and would? Something so much bigger and more powerful than I had to do it, I needed a savior, a much higher power. God was there waiting to pick the pieces of my body and soul, put me back together, and provide me with the strength I needed to clean up my mess, make amends, and live a purer, happier life. My part of the deal is to pass it on, to help others, and love everyone regardless...

Keeping your 'house' clean from here on...

2007-04-19T09:58:00.000-07:00

"If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience."~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 70~

At some point in time a decision must be made as to your commitment to letting go of the old ways you had been living and starting to live anew. Working a proven set of steps, like in AA and similar programs, WILL get you to that spot, but the steps must be done wholeheartedly and with conviction. Without working the steps, getting a sponsor, going to the meetings, and helping others you can become complacent and slip into a state of mind where you may think certain activities will be OK THIS ONE time. This kind of behavior is what cause 'clutter' to start building up in your house again. When it gets so cluttered that it seems hopeless that is when you slip, backslide, and relapse back to where you were before with thinking you will start cleaning your act up tomorrow or the next day, or...

No going back...

2007-04-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

"We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy;that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker। These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile upon them and become astonishingly difficult to solve।"~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Doctor's Opinion, pg. xxviii~

AA's Big Book has so many profound writings that can be applied to any addiction. During the last few years of my alcoholism there was no way I could stop drinking for any length of time once I got started, I couldn't wait for the opportunity to keep any kind of buzz going. I finally ended up planning my WHOLE day around drinking and drugging until I passed out into oblivion. I can't imagine getting myself back into that lifestyle again at any level. If I start again, I will surely die.

Get the proven resources that really help!

2007-04-05T11:21:00.000-07:00

I use allot of quotes out of Alcoholics Anonymous' Big Book, and other publications in my posts. It is an extremely enlightening book to acquire, have, and keep (or get one on other addictions)from my specialty stores at Amazon.com. The links to Amazon.com are just to the left of this post and further down on the page. I encourage you to explore the different types of literature that is available AND find a support group to belong to.

Things were different, was it everyone else or me?

2007-04-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

When I was an active addict and alcoholic, I was always on the edge. If it wasn’t because of DTs/coming down, then it was because I was always so touchy about EVERYTHING. I did not know, or realize, until I was in recovery why, but this is it:
"The greatest enemies of us alcoholics are resentment, jealousy,envy, frustration, and fear." ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, To Employers, pg. 145~

I always thought it was the other people around me that were the problem, but no, it was all me, I was driving myself to my own destruction.
"No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in thatbitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in alldirections. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcoholwas my master." ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill's Story, pg. 8~

Once I got ‘dry’ and was over that initial ’hump’, I was able to see the light and discover that I was no longer myself, but a creature driven by lusts (alcohol and drugs and other indecent, deplorable behaviors). I had to get back to being me, a new and improved me, to survive and live.

Alcoholism, and many other addictions, is an illness...

2007-03-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

"We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy;that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile upon them and become astonishingly difficult to solve."~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Doctor's Opinion, pg. xxviii~

When you look at alcoholism, and many other addictions, as a valid illness, it is like someone has just turned the light on so you can see the true nature of this problem. It is a problem that does need treatment and ongoing preventative care or there is sure to be a relapse.

When the urge hits, or creeps up on you...

2007-03-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

Whever the urge to use or drink springs up on me, I have to step back, relax, say a prayer, and make sure I get to a meeting as soon as possible. Earlier in my sobriety it was crucial to get in touch with my sponsor as soon as possible, but now, 3 years out, getting to a meeting works perfectly for me. Having a sponsor for the first year or two is so important - to have someone to fall back on, or to hold you up while we are in a state of weakness. It's OK because they expect and want you to call them for support. It helps not only you, but them also.

The first step to recovery is always the hardest...

2007-03-07T10:26:00.000-08:00

When it becomes apparent that you have a problem with alcoholism, any addiction, or codependency, it is scary - even frightening- to 'let the cat out of the bag' and go looking for help. There are feelings of confusion, shame, anger, and many other possible emotions that well up and block you from getting the help and support you need to start recovery - to get the ball rolling again in the right direction. Many people try to find reasons to put it off entirely, or at least at a different point in time. That my friends, just prolongs and makes matters worst, giving you more time to spend doing things you know are not good for you. Other people might feel they are to hopeless, don't deserve better, or that things are not bad enough yet. There IS ALWAYS a way out and it can be right here and right now. No one has to know who you are or what you've done if that is the way you want it. Just answer one of these posts that appeals to you the most and get started on a new, whole, and happier you. You, we all, deserve that much.

More than one way to any destination...

2007-02-28T08:59:00.000-08:00

There are many ways to get clean and/or sober, some work better than others for different types of people. If you have heard that there is only one way to do it and have it stick, it is not entirely true for everyone. Sure, there are more conventional ways than others, but just like everybody has a different history and life circumstances, there are different ways to get back on track and in the right direction to get your life back together. Drop me a line right here to this posting. All you have to do is leave your first name and come back to check for a response. I check my site regularly. What do you have to lose?

Want to know where to start learning more about recovery?

2007-02-26T14:21:00.000-08:00

One of the hardest parts to any kind of recovery for an addiction is to actually start looking for help. Maybe it is YOU who thinks you might have a problem with an addiction, or you know someone who does and are checking this out for them, whatever the reason you have reached a starting point HERE.
Tell me what's on your mind so we can figure out where to go from here. I have studied just about every approach possible and have tried many of them myself. This can be YOUR first step to bring sanity and direction back into your life, or to the life of someone you love...